Ecstatic Joy Turns to Overwhelming Sorrow

Almost a year ago now, I curiously searched the pages of Facebook to see if any of my old classmates from high school had accounts. To my delight I was able to find my old friend Kelly and sent a friend request. Happily I received a response and we started to correspond. In reading her account and blog I sadly discovered that she had become a mother for the first time around the time I had my second, BonBon, but that her little one passed only 7 days after being born. He sustained a brain injury that soon took his life. My heart went and still goes out to her.

This morning again while perusing the list of blogs on topbabyblogs.com I found the story of a woman who lost her first born child while breastfeeding. The leader seemed horrifying to me and I wanted to know more. Her baby had a congenital heart disease which took her life after only five days. I read her story. Kristine, the mom, warned that the story of little Cora's last night alive would be difficult to read, especially for mommies and daddies. Oh how true that was. My face soaked in tears as I read of the events of Cora's last night. I can only imagine the pain and guilt Kristine felt and must still feel less than a year after losing her bundle of joy.

So to Kristine and Kelly - As a fellow mother my love, sympathy and prayers go out to you. Imagining what you have gone through is enough to bring a parent to their knees. The wounds are still fresh and it will take time to heal.  The pieces of your child's memory will continue to work to the surface to make you smile and cry at the same time. 

To my friend Kelly. . .  I look at BonBon as she walks and runs, singing and jabbering away and I think of you.  I wish you could meet her; maybe she can help bring life to the memory of the little one who should be playing with her.  At the same time I feel very guilty that I get to enjoy my children.  It has been a while since you've responded to any of my messages and I wonder if I have offended you in some way.  If I did I am very sorry.  If I said something insensitive I did without realizing it.  I am sorry.